Doorways

“Walk away if it’s bad for you, try harder if it’s good for you and be smart enough to know the difference”.  Someone sent me that quote and it made me think a bit.  Do we know the difference?  when things are disguised as love, when you are torn between what you see over what you feel.  How many of us have been stuck and we allow others to block the traffic to us.  There is another saying “If you would like to stay in my life the door is always open, if you would like to leave the door is always open but don’t stand in the doorway blocking traffic'”.

We do that so many times, allow people to stand in our doorway.. they do not serve your highest good but we still not smart enough to know the difference and let go.  In healing you would know that when you don’t speak your truth and bottle things in you harm your body,  things start manifesting.  We allow ourselves to be sick by not standing in our truth.

We allow people to make us feel less than beautiful, we apologize for who we are when others are not accepting of us.  We walk on egg shells trying to make sure we don’t ruin something that makes you feel good just ten percent of the time.  We don’t realize we aren’t allowing the other 90 percent to walk in.  We concentrate so much on a feeling.. a feeling that someone made us feel months ago, trying to bring it back to the present.  If it is gone it is gone.  If you are worth it .. the other person will be trying just as hard as you to get it back.  If they aren’t walk away.  Leave them to be who they want to be .. Step into your own light and let others see how beautiful you are.

Don’t be afraid, don’t be someone that pushes others away, be the one that never let go the hand of another.  Step by step , one day at a time, everything will bloom again if we have trust in ourselves, if we have belief in the consciousness that we are and most of all if we truly understand that we are here for the journey to ourselves.

Be the best version of yourself,  if someone does not like you for that .. let them walk.  If they cannot handle you at your worst, they don’t deserve you at your best.  Be with someone that go out of their way to make you smile every single day.  Be with someone that plays with your hair before they fall asleep.  Be with someone that says “I am sorry, I hurt you, I want to try harder”.  Be with someone that don’t allow you to question your very soul.  Be with someone that love the essence of who you are and who wants to know everything about you.  Be with someone who takes the time to write you and say “How are you”.  I’m thinking of you.  Be with someone that leaves their mark in your heart and mind.

Follow that which makes your heart sing.  Be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements
This entry was posted on April 24, 2018. 4 Comments

Lasting Impressions

“People will always remember how you make them feel” a quote  that have been told to me by quite a few people over time.  So many of them we can remember that sometimes gives us the knowing that we accept less than we deserve most times.  Such a true saying though.. we will always remember how people make us feel.. not so much the words they say .. we sometimes forget that but how they make us feel stays with us forever.  It is the bridge between making it and not making it in every relationship.. whether it be parents, lovers, friendships.  The feeling that comes with unconditional love is priceless.

How often do we hear words that makes you feel warm inside only for it to be short lived by the actions that follow?   How often do people make us question?  How often do people make us doubt.   There is another quote  “When people show you who they are, believe them”.  Do we really have to search for answers sometimes ?  How many times have you heard others talk about relationships and how the other person makes them feel.  Some live in marriages all their life not saying what is killing them inside.  Some live in abuse because they think they have too.

How often do we see one person treating someone cruel only for that person to be taken up by someone who treats them better “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” so they say.  So many thought provoking questions as to why people do what they do.  Why do they take for granted the things that once makes them feel so good.  In life we have choices .. everyday .. we choose to stay or we choose to leave behind that which makes us feel inadequate.   Chapters of goodbyes they say life is and rightly so.

We choose who makes us feel good,  we also have to realize how we treat others is what we get in return sometimes.  Sometimes people have their own agendas.. they have their own issues we just don’t understand.. they have the wars going on within and they don’t mean to hurt others but in their actions you feel hurt.  Those things are short lived as people who really do care find a way to make everything better.   The ones that continue to make you feel less of yourself or that you are a nobody are the ones we need to let go of.

Love who you are .. become that which makes everyone you come into contact with feel good about who they are and that they make a difference.  Make all feel the warmth whether they spend two minutes or a day.  We all have ups and downs in relationships but the ones that are true even when you have a fight you will never want to escape.  You rather have bad times with that person as you know deep within they are so worth it.

Realize your worth.. when others make you feel worthless it is not that you are .. it is their inability  to be consistent in their actions.  It is their inability to care about what they say that brings sadness to others.  Some just don’t care much about anyone but themselves.   Unfortunately selfishness exist within us.  The ego needs to be stroked. Control needs to happen for most to feel they are great.

Let us not get caught up in the issues of others but only in the things we can control.  Let us remember the little things that builds the foundation of relationships.  Let us try  not slip in how we make others feel.  Even if we do find that place where they can understand you did not mean to hurt them.  When you make someone happy now, you make them happy ten years from now just by the memory of it.  Don’t let the bad times overpower the good.  When we look in the mirror let us be happy about the reflection.

 

 

This entry was posted on April 18, 2018. 2 Comments

Understanding

Is it true that people can only understand what you are trying to say only based on their perception?  There is a saying “To be loved is great but to be understood is profound”.  How often do we come across people that mesh with our souls like no other,  build a foundation based on opening that side of yourself that was hidden from the world,  you think “Ahh this is it”  he/she understands everything I am,  only months after feel as if that person does not really understand you at all.

Sometimes we create our own scenarios by our thoughts, our decisions,  what we allow, what we don’t.  Funny though.. in every situation,  what one person takes for granted someone else is praying for.  In life things are simple if we just read beyond the words, if we feel what someone is trying to convey.  “The desire to share comes with the desire to be understood”.   Sometimes how you bring things across can be considered an attack but most times it is a cry from within someone just saying “I feel”.  If you didn’t matter would anyone be trying to share what hurts them ?

Listening has become so difficult in this ever changing world.  To listen with your soul bypasses that which you hear.  That resounding feeling that you get when someone you love is trying to allow you inside them.  That feeling of knowing that with just a little understanding comes deep connection.  How we view others, what our perceptions are is not sometimes what things really are.   Listen,  you will hear,  Listen, you will feel.

Some cut the very foundation on what something was built on by just disregarding others,  by throwing what they think or feel aside because they think it should not be felt.  Who are we to dictate what someone else feels.  I am not talking about the times where people just make issues out of nothing but even in those situations it is still a cry to be understood.  That person is trying to say “please just listen”  I want to be heard.

I went to a gathering and in that sacred space when I closed my eyes I found something that I thought I had lost recently.. “listening to my own voice”.  Just as we would like to be understood by others, we ourselves have to understand ourselves.   That truth that resides within us that allows us to have that “aha moment”.  Listen to your own voice and don’t lose it by trying to sing someone else’s song.

I asked one of my friends to go with me to that place but in talking with her — her mind changed from going to not going.  I wanted to understand what she was feeling as in her words didn’t give me what was going on in her mind.    I just had to close my eyes and understand the words she didn’t say.  And in that moment … I understood.

Find the wisdom to go beyond words.. find the ability to not take things as attacks but rather someone trying to make you understand that which makes them feel.  You will be surprised how much you can learn and how much peace you can create within.

“Happiness is the journey, not the destination” .

 

 

 

 

This entry was posted on April 9, 2018. 2 Comments

The Conquest

 

How can one read the intentions of others when it is so carefully crafted in words that will make your heart melt ? break down the walls that you thought would never come down. These were the words that came to me from someone that almost found herself shattered to pieces based on the falseness of intentions all wrapped with a beautiful bow.

 

How can you tell though? But you eventually see everything for what it is. You were the conquest, the chase, the challenge not really anything else. Like anyone else the belief in words are short lived when actions change and people forget the promises they made blindly to someone else’s soul. Some love the tit for tat games, some are all about me me me. How do you get over this when someone takes you on the most beautiful ride and then in an instant you feel like strangers?
I can tell you how… not by beating yourself up about why you allowed this person in but by understanding that all the walls you had up and all the things you didn’t want happen happened. Some in such a short space of time. Some love the idea of being in love.. some care for the sexual side of relationships more than they do the emotional connection. Some sabotage things just so they can move on to the next conquest. I smile when I see these things happen.. it gives a whole new light to things.
It brings you to your core but more so it teaches you the strength you are made from. Sometimes relationships go from one to the other and as the years go by you look at someone and say .. “I have never felt this way before” and I have come to realize that line may be true at the time but sometimes someone else can come along to make you understand that you can feel even more intensely.
Souls connect.. sometimes for a short time.. sometimes for a very long time.. they step in when you needed them too and sometimes they fill a void that could not be filled before. To be able to move on we have to understand why we allow these things to happen.. why do we trust? Why do we need to feel the intensity? Why do we want things so badly … it all comes down to us wanting to feel genuinely loved and when someone hurts that we feel everything is destroyed within us and we never open up again.
On our beautiful journey lies the souls that will rock our very core.. the ones that come in the beautiful bow that you think that you would never want to be without but sometimes you must do what is best for you… Honoring self is sometimes the hardest thing to do. Listen to that voice within.. it never steers you wrong. Change the stars someone once said to me but you cant really change the stars can you ? you can only view their alignments differently. It is all up to you,, it is all up to me to make anything that is in front of us work… if a link is weak the chains will eventually break.
Don’t worry to much on the breaks but concentrate more on strengthening the piece you were left with.

 

This is ME!

I have been having so many conversations lately. Many of which makes my soul weep. Many of which gives me different insights on how people perceive life, how weak they are sometimes in giving in to the matters of the heart, how strong they are to face the trials and tribulations that come their way and most of all how the reactions and actions of others tug at their heart strings.

 
I have so much information in my mind that I wonder sometimes how people get through their days. It often concerns me. I realize that all I talk to is searching for that one thing that is so hard to attain sometimes. That peace within. That happiness that they think lies in someone’s smile, someone’s message, someone’s call, someone’s email, someone’s ability to make them feel they are worth something.

 
I am not excluded from the equation, we all go through that period. I talked to a friend recently and her words to me  “I just want to know so that I can move on”. Funny how your soul waits around for permission to do what is best for us. We stay, hurt ourselves because we feel we have lost, we feel we don’t know how to get back on our feet and get the strength to face the world. We feel like we cannot find happiness in anything, we fear, we cry, we hurt and most of all we give others permission to do whatever they like with us.   Ever wonder sometimes how it can be so easy for others to just not call, not text, not email.  They just vanish sometimes?  Making you wonder was everything a lie?
Why though? Why do we allow it? Why do we feel this, is it insecurity within ourselves that we think we cannot make it? Is it not trusting the journey and the people that are there to help us grow? What is it that we need ? The reassurance that we are worth something ? We are more than something. We are everything.

 
There is a song that I heard in the movie “The Greatest Showman” “This is me”. It is time for us to be who we are, no apologies. We have to not allow the trampling of our hearts, not allow others to devalue us, not allow the people that say they are friends to use you for their convenient gain and then toss you aside when they are done.. IT IS TIME TO STOP. Walk away from the ones that mess with your soul, no more permissions to trample.. no more permission to others to hurt you. THIS IS ME .. NO APOLOGIES.. just beautiful in our own essence.

This entry was posted on January 15, 2018. 2 Comments

The Constant

Weird name for a blog post won’t you say? What can this possibly be about. We have so many constants in our lives that sometimes it never hits you until it hits you. There are people in our lives that are constant. These people are the ones that make up your family but they are binded by blood. I am not speaking of them, I am speaking of the friend that no matter what they will find themselves there for you. How beautiful is that ? how sacred that can be.

I remember one time someone I considered closest to me wrote me a letter, for some reason last night I came across that letter and in the end it said. “If you ever need me, please just message, it can be a few days from now or 10 years from now.” I am and will be a constant. The letter actually brought tears to my eyes as they turned out not to be a constant but more so a distant memory. We have so many reasons to give up but we never choose the reason to stay. I also remember another saying and this feels so true for me. “If you cannot handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.”
While reflecting I came to another realization that one more thing is constant and that is change. Life is hard sometimes according to Ed Sheeran… that man was so right in his song “Photograph”, we wait for people to come “home”. Not knowing these people set up their own mansions elsewhere… there energies channeled in the things they see as important.. They end up taking things for granted and leave you to your life while their journey and yours move on.

Sometimes you are stuck in a place where you wonder if to try or if to just close that chapter in your book. You sit, you stop and think of all the laughs, the times you would have to hold your stomach laughing and it makes the trying seem so worthwhile. You think of how easy it was to say anything to these constants. But to me if you have to try to get things back then that is a realization in itself. Things happen, of course it does and we learn what is important and what isn’t, but when these constants just take you for granted and allow friendships to go down then it is time to understand that the person was here for a reason not a lifetime.

That’s where the sadness is and you feel like kicking yourself sometimes when you realize how much energy you put into the ones that even have lied to you from the beginning of the friendships. You bypass that and find the souls warmth. You find the good in everyone and build on that from the ground up.
We have all loved and lost but that’s relationships for you. Friendships however sets that foundation for you to handle the changes in life. Not sure if anyone saw “Girls trip” it is that group of friends that stood by each other no matter what. When they walked away they found their way back. They would see each other at their worst but still find the blessings in the union. They are the ones that know “YOU”.

Take heart and don’t let the constants that you thought you had leave you with a broken heart. In the song “I hope you dance” it said “When you feel like giving up, reconsider”. Smile because it happened and take from these constants what they were meant for. The journey of a lifetime starts with a single step. Hold the hands of the ones that are willing to hold yours and never let go and find in it the beauty of what we call friendships .

This entry was posted on August 19, 2017. 2 Comments

A Trip Down Memory Lane

 

I remember when I was 17 or 18 I got one of the hardest heartbreak.   I remember standing in one of the side streets in Port of Spain waiting to see him.  Hoping he will at least talk to me.. I remember talking to him but strangely enough I could not remember anything else after that until I got home.   Tears streaming down my cheeks I walked down the street and got myself a car to take me home.   The driver asked “Are you ok ?” I said “not really,  I just want to get home.” 

Everything was a blank to me… just hearing the words you don’t want to hear .. and then the pain like stabbing in your chest like you just can’t think of how you are going to face tomorrow.  I thought I knew it all.   I remember running up the stairs and straight into my room.  Tears could not stop … then the familiar voice walking down the corridor “Sheeda, you home ?”  She walked in my room .. saw me in tears … She quietly sat on the bed and pulled my head on her lap.  She passed her hand on my hair and said.. “You have so much more of this to get my dear child… don’t cry.  She dried my tears .. hugged me and stayed with me a while.  Then with a straight face she said “I will go for his ass”.  That made me smile.  And I so believed her.

I remember her telling my father later that evening and he came to me .. sat next to me and said “Bayti don’t you cry, your father is still alive.”   I remember thinking what do you guys know ?  You don’t know how this hurts like hell.  I felt like I was the only one hurting .. Like no one understood me.   I remember waking up to my mother bringing me a cup of tea the next morning.. Asking “are you ok?”  And for many mornings she will do that.  She quietly understood. 

I remember not getting into any trouble with my dad for a while for he would just make jokes and want me to be ok.  But one evening my father said “Pray, ask God to take away the pain and he will.”  I was ok in a couple days.  I started to see that no matter what you do or how you try to make things right or say what you want people will always do what you they want to do regardless of how it affects you or anyone else around you.

My mom was right … I had so much more to go through and I did, and I continue to do so as each day passes.  The ones that hurt the most, the clearer the lessons.  I neglected their words sometimes,  I did what I wanted to do.   I didn’t realize then how much it also impacted them.  I didn’t realize how much tears they shed for me just to be ok.  I didn’t realize that until today… I am still learning lessons even in their absence.

Today I thought of my Mom a lot .. tears would not stop falling because I want to rest my head on her lap just one more time.. for her to say those words “Everything will be ok”  you can hear those same words from everyone around you – you tend not to believe it .. but when it is said from those two blessed people – you believe it. 

I didn’t realize a lot of things till now…I didn’t realize how memories can have an impact on you later on in life.  How the little things seem to mean the world.  How the only two people that could make that difference in your life, when they are not there you feel like an orphan.  No husband, child or family can make up for that emptiness within.  I kept listening to a song I came across today “Om Guru Om” and it resonated with me so much that all I can think about is the love these two people gave me unconditionally.

I feel so guilty for not being around more… for not spending more time with them.  We get so caught up in our own affairs that we remember only when it is too late.  I miss them with everything I have inside because when I break and the loneliness steps in there is no one there… That force,  that driving force that protects.   When you feel safe in the silent words.  When you feel within that everything will always be ok because no matter what they are there.   Mom and Dad you was right .. right about everything. 

May the skies protect you now with the light of his consciousness.  May the gurus of that realm hold you in that unconditional love that I long to feel again.   May God keep your souls for me until we meet again.   Thank you for being my parents. 

This entry was posted on February 2, 2017. 7 Comments