Rest in peace my beloved Sis. Today I was reminded about something from my brother… He told me a story of when I was five years old… I was in a car accident with my family, all I knew I woke up in the hospital after sometime. I was not seeing my family and I started to cry… and asking the nurse to see my sister. I didn’t ask for anyone else but my sister. The nurse had to take me to where she was and it was the only thing that got me to stop crying. Thirty seven years later all I want to do again is see my sis as she lies in the ICU unit at the hospital ,,,only this time … its upon seeing her that makes me cry.
So many lessons from the experiences of others that sometimes we only see when they are gone. My sister chose to stay home and not get an education just to help my mom with us… my other siblings and myself. Throughout her life she had it very hard… she married an alcoholic and her life was in turmoil sometimes but also had some really great times . She managed to have a beautiful daughter who she loved unconditionally and would pamper her to the max. Her grandchildren she lived for and till her stroke she did everything possible for them.
I watched my sister and mom live in the same house but at times at each others throats, but I remembered something today. There was a time my Mom was having open heart surgery and she was not responding to anything or anyone for two days. I remember leaving the hospital and I called home and my sis was waiting by the phone… I told her mom was not responding and I can her her screams right as I said that. Her tears were falling profusely. It mattered not what wrong my mom did or what arguments they had. And today… I saw my mom walk in the ICU unit with tears in her eyes and hands on her head… she would call her name so many times as if she just wanted her to answer… nothing else mattered.
My beautiful sis passed on 11th October, around 5 and I watched them pump her heart to revive her. Inside me I know she was not coming back … what for?? She felt that beautiful unconditional love she came from.
If only that unconditional love we have within can just shine through all the time instead of periodically what a wonderful world this would be. If that unconditional love can extend to mankind and not just the ones in our circle how much more we would feel at peace. In times of despair and fear of losing a loved one that unconditional love comes from within just like that – no questions asked – no permission needed – nothing else matters… its just there and we forget all the wrong others have done to us and we sometimes hope the person forgives us as well.
Forgiveness is the only answer…. Not when they are leaving us but everytime something is done to us. We don’t need to hold on to the grudges as we know it only hurts us. I do hope that in time we can all see past this life and understand that when we awake to our reality all these emotions do not exist.
On my journey home I know that I was blessed to have her here with me and more so that we will meet again soon .. Love you sis