I love you, I need you, I want you, I care about you. We hear them, we feel them, we crave it sometimes. How long is it meant for ? A reason, a season, a lifetime? What does it mean when it makes you feel so wanted one minute and so empty the next. Sometimes in the same breath it have so many meanings.. I love you but you are like superman’s kryptonite.. I need you but I need to leave you.
One of the songs closest to my heart “A beautiful Disaster” because that is how some make you feel. You are so beautiful but unworthy of being loved.. Unworthy of going against all odds. Unworthy of feeling the depth of love long enough for the fears to fade. So much surfaces when people make decisions for you. Sometimes they do mean well .. and their level of care stems from the uncertainty within but how they do no not realize how vast feelings are.
To be told you are so deep that you cannot be loved. Do you change ? do you become shallow to serve others ? Do you become lonely in your own world?. Do you step back from life ? from others ?. I smile sometimes when I sit back and watch people being told .. “you need to find someone that deserves you” .. Easy isn’t it ? Just walk out there and pick from among the people you see out there .. Hey, come love me cause you deserve me. It does not work that way. Connections happen for a reason.. it is there to help you on that journey, it is there to help you overcome fears, fighting that fight within that we all have.
New disasters, we will find them everywhere we turn.. Our soul begging for that feeling but when we are faced with it .. we run from it.. So where does that leave the words being said? There isn’t much you can do is it ? You are always a victim of someone else’s decisions. Deserving or not .. the pain that is left in your heart remains for the rest of your life. Time sometimes fade it .. but will always be there .. that feeling they left you with. Justified or not .. if we don’t learn to work things out .. talk things out.. find solutions together and wage war on the path ahead together .. we will constantly keep repeating patterns.
Funny how we define who is worthy or not .. our mistakes don’t define us .. our past don’t define us.. what defines us is that unconditional part of us that shows others they matter.. regardless of what .. they matter .. A soul walking around on this earth .. sometimes lonely .. they matter .. the experiences, the mistakes bring us to who we truly are. In our darkest moments we find our greatest strengths. Someone told me “No thoughts, no fears, no time, no reality .. we just exist .. regardless.. there is power in that .. find it and use it to face anything that comes in your way.