I had to face one of the hardest things yesterday, the funeral of one of my dearest friends. We were friends since I was at the tender age of 17. Her battle with leukemia started from February of this year but I am afraid the battles that manifested this started long before. It is amazing how we are faced with people that try so hard to smile when the world inside crumbles. They sacrifice to make others around very happy so they swallow their pain.
I watched this beautiful soul battle this everyday with a smile on her face, facing adversity with so much positivity and most of all keeping the faith that she would have come out of this and be pain free. Unfortunately for the ones that are left behind on this earth we are the ones with the pain and the sorrow but also with the lessons she taught us. Again the lesson we all seem to forget.. the lesson that time is not ours.
Her battle started not with the diagnosis but with the years leading up to that diagnosis. Over the years the pain she held inside and the battles she faced within manifested itself. How many of us do this. How many of us stop living to please others ? How many of us sacrifice our own soul and happiness for others. We go by everyday in a routine hoping that what we do is accepted and enough for others but when that isn’t enough and people change around us our world comes crumbling.
We have people that use the word love so easily but when pain starts they are no where to be seen. When the sick battles their own demons and we allow them to stay alone in pain, how can one live with that? There is a saying “What misses us don’t pass us”. When we lack compassion for human beings .. we create karma on ourselves. I watched this beautiful soul battle her trials, battle her illness sometimes alone. I watched people that said that they love her leave her in the most desperate time of her life.
Watching that made me realize yet again that change is constant. We are ever changing .. what we want today is not what we may want tomorrow. She was heartbroken .. she was ill but she held on to things that didn’t serve her. She held on to the hope in someone that could not help her soul to survive. They say that everything in God’s timing and I believe that to a point but I also believe we are responsible for creating our lives by the thoughts and decisions we make. We have the canvas.. we are the ones doing our own painting.
The cycle of life is so unpredictable and time is never ours. Detachment to the outcome they say is key. We feed our bodies with the pain and suffering we hold inside. Are these people worth it ? Are they worth our health ? No they are not. We are not in control of anyone but ourselves.. Let us take control of who we are and not allow them to tarnish our soul or to dictate where we are in life.
Rest in peace my beautiful friend .. your journey is not over yet.. we will meet again